From Dancing While Nigeria Drowns
In Nigeria, there are two economies: one where people hustle for garri, and another where people hustle government contracts to buy Gucci. And both economies run side by side like parallel madness—one soaked in sweat, the other soaked in perfume imported from Milan.
The garri economy is where the real Nigerians live.
You know them. The keke riders calculating fuel cost like surgeons. The roadside sellers adjusting their prices hourly based on dollar fluctuations they don’t understand. The market women who now cut pepper into installments because even the poor need payment plans.
In the garri economy, nothing is stable—except suffering.
A man can wake up with ₦2,000 thinking he’s made it, only to return with one derica of rice and a new sense of betrayal. In this sector, every commodity is a prayer point. Bread now has bodyguards. Eggs have become Easter gifts. Cooking gas? That one is like dating someone toxic—you need it, but every refill comes with emotional damage.
But across the lagoon, in air-conditioned offices built on inflated contracts and ancestral greed, is the Gucci economy.
Here, procurement officers become overnight millionaires. Nobody knows what they procure, but their children now school in Switzerland, and their wives drive Range Rovers with license plates that say “MUMMY CEO.” These are the men and women who receive ₦700 million for a ₦70 million borehole project—then still forget to drill the borehole.
They wear Gucci slides to budget hearings. Fendi to funerals. Louis Vuitton to commission projects they never built. And when asked how they made their money, they smile and say: “By God’s grace.”
The most profitable business in Nigeria is not tech. It’s connection.
You don’t need skill, just a senator’s cousin or a governor’s old roommate. Once you secure that government contract, the rest is vibes. You over-invoice, under-deliver, and escape accountability by sponsoring a church crusade or tweeting patriotic nonsense.
Read also: Currency Of The Clueless – Naira In Free Fall—Part 9
And when the EFCC comes calling? No wahala. You post one old video of you dancing at a wedding, say you were “misunderstood,” and the whole thing vanishes like the health budget.
Meanwhile, back in the garri economy, someone just fainted at a job interview because they hadn’t eaten all day. Another graduate with two degrees is selling second-hand phones in Computer Village, while politicians’ dogs have birthday cakes.
Nigeria is a country where the harder you work, the poorer you become—unless you know someone who knows someone who once shook hands with someone who used to sit near someone during NYSC who is now a Commissioner.
But let’s break it down properly:
Garri is for survival. It’s the national backup meal. Every poor Nigerian knows how to weaponize it—with sugar if lucky, with salt if desperate, with tears if real.
Gucci is for signal. It says, “I’ve arrived,” even if the arrival came via stolen pension funds.
Government Contracts are the real gold mine—awarded in darkness, inflated in broad daylight, executed only on Excel sheets and newspaper pages.
And the tragedy? The garri people still vote for the Gucci people.
Why? Because every four years, the Gucci gang returns in kaftans, eats puff-puff in the village square, and promises to “empower the youths.” They hand out branded rice, wear native, misquote Bible verses, and boom—another four years to loot in designer belts.
The poor cheer. The rich loot. The cycle continues.
And if anyone complains? They say, “Is it not our turn?”
Turn to do what? Chop the future?
Nigeria’s economy is not broken—it is bipolar.
One half is bleeding.
The other half is shopping in Paris.
Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.
Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.