Defection Thanksgiving Service
In other countries, politicians defect quietly, with apology or at least shame. But in Nigeria? We throw a party. Not just any party, a full-blown, loudspeaker-blasting, clergy-blessing, canopy-renting, and spirit-summoning Defection Thanksgiving Service.
Because in Nigeria, betrayal isn’t a sin — it’s a testimony.
This episode opens with Hon. Felix “Anywhere Belle Face” Olorunfemi, recently decamped from the party he once called “a cabal of certified thieves.” Today, he’s holding hands with those same “thieves” in white agbada, waving to a cheering crowd as if he just resurrected democracy.
The event? A “thanksgiving” to appreciate God’s faithfulness for delivering him from the wickedness of political irrelevance. Because in Nigeria, losing a party ticket is persecution; joining the opposition is divine restoration.
The service begins with Opening Prayer by Bishop of Betrayal, who calls down fire on “evil party members that blocked His Excellency’s ambition.” The congregation yells “Amen!” like they weren’t the same people singing hosanna when he joined the last party two years ago.
Praise and worship follow, led by the Choir of Compromised Convictions, featuring hits like:
- “Take Me Back to the Party I Once Condemned”
- “My Ticket Cometh From Above”
- and the national anthem of defectors:
“Jehovah, Carry Me to Where Money Dey Flow.”
Then comes the star attraction — Hon. Felix takes the microphone and begins his “testimony”:
“I was in darkness. They used me and dumped me. But God, in His infinite mercy, opened my eyes to the truth — and the truth is this party!”
No sir, the truth is you didn’t get the ticket.
He continues:
“I never left the people. I only returned to where my vision can thrive.”
Let’s translate that: I followed the money and the godfather who picked my call.
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Of course, a special sermon is delivered:
“He That Jumpeth Shall Not Fall.”
Text: Book of Stomach Chapter 4, Verse 1.
The preacher reminds everyone that even biblical figures like Jonah jumped — so “why not our brother in politics?”
Next, the party chairman mounts the stage:
“We forgive the past. We welcome our brother home.”
Ah. Just like that. Loyalty now has an amnesty program.
No screening, no questioning. His past insults are forgotten. His “anti-party activities” wiped clean by thanksgiving rice and public kneeling.
Because in Nigerian politics, defection is not treachery — it’s branding. And a thanksgiving is how you rinse off betrayal.
As the event ends, envelopes are passed, photographers snap, and chants of “Leader! Leader!” fill the air. Nobody remembers his abandoned constituency. Nobody asks about his unpaid salaries. The only thing that matters is that he’s back “home.”
This is not gratitude. It’s ritual cleansing for recycled politicians.
A holy laundering ceremony to repackage dishonor as destiny.
So next time you see canopies going up and gospel singers warming up their voices, don’t ask “who died?” Ask:
“Who decamped?”
Because in Nigeria, even betrayal must pass through the altar.
Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.
Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.