From Dancing While Nigeria Drowns
There is an unmistakable choreography to Nigerian governance—not one involving laws or logic, but something more elegant, more theatrical: the slow, majestic pirouette of an agbada. It is not governance; it is runway.
In Nigeria, power does not walk. It floats—billowing in imported fabric and stitched delusion. A well-cut agbada is not just clothing; it is campaign strategy, budget padding, and distraction technique all in one. The wider the sleeve, the slimmer the policy. The more it flutters, the more the economy flounders. Who needs competence when you can look competent?
Here, leadership is a fashion statement. Governance is costume design.
You do not need a manifesto—you need a tailor. One who understands that embroidery speaks louder than results. Step onto a podium in velvet regalia, mispronounce a few economic terms with a Heathrow accent, and watch the cameras swoon. You’ll trend on Twitter by noon. In Nigeria, your appearance is your CV.
At international summits, our leaders arrive like fashion influencers on pilgrimage. At the last African Leaders Forum, our president—draped in a ₦1.5 million agbada dyed in diplomatic ambiguity—posed for handshakes while the nation simmered in fuel queues and forgotten salaries. Back home, hospitals echoed with generator hums and last breaths. But on Instagram? Wristwatches sparkled and folders embossed with “Bilateral Synergy” were clutched like relics.
The press applauded. “President dazzles in royal blue!” they screamed. Dazzles, not delivers. Because in Nigeria, presence is performance. And performance is policy.
And should anyone dare question the emperor’s new agbada, fear not—there’s always a champagne event to recalibrate the narrative.
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Welcome to Champagne Governance—where politics and nightlife have become one and the same. Ministerial briefings are postponed for birthday gigs. National emergencies take a backseat to destination weddings. A security crisis? Book a brunch in Dubai. In this ecosystem of elite irresponsibility, clinking glasses drown out citizens’ cries.
Remember the flood that swallowed three states whole? The Senate responded with a thanksgiving service attended by gospel singers, celebrities, and a guest sermon titled “This Too Shall Pass.” It did not. It flooded again.
When terrorism knocked louder, governors flew to Paris on “security excursions” and returned with Louis Vuitton briefcases and zero policies—except perhaps a renewed appreciation for Parisian croissants.
They don’t govern. They perform.
A scandal? Schedule a cocktail. A budget hole? Host a gala. The solution to national decay? A committee, a caterer, and a carefully curated hashtag. You see your governor on Arise TV discussing rural poverty while sipping oolong tea on a ₦15 million Italian couch. He quotes inflation figures like he’s auditioning for Hamlet. You wonder; has this man ever bought tomatoes in a real market?
But style conquers all.
Because while civil servants beg for three months’ salary, and retirees chase pensions into the afterlife, the governor who nails one zanku move at a wedding instantly becomes “relatable.” He might have zero projects, but “he knows how to groove”—and in Nigeria, that is governance enough.
We no longer have administrators. We have hype men in high office. They drop contracts like club DJs drop hits. The state of the nation is an afterthought, so long as the outfit is crisp, the guest list curated, and the DJ knows when to cue Burna Boy.
Substance is optional. Optics are essential. Suffering is chronic, but the parties are premium.
So next election, when the campaign buses roll out and the agbadas flutter in choreographed arrogance, ask not for manifestos. Ask for the tailors. Ask for the guest list. Ask where the afterparty will be held.
Because in Nigeria, we are no longer governed. We are entertained.
Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.
Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.