Political Polyamory: One Nation, Many Bedmates
In a land where shame has long since packed its bags and japa-ed, Nigerian politicians have perfected the dark art of political polyamory, keeping emotional, financial, and spiritual relationships with 3–5 parties at once, while publicly declaring fidelity to “the will of the people.”
Here, ideology is not a compass — it’s a costume. And loyalty is an election-season ringtone: easily changed, quickly silenced.
Let’s call a spade a spade. Nigerian politicians don’t belong to parties — they date them. Casually. Secretly. Simultaneously. It’s not PDP or APC — it’s PDP while flirting with APC, eyeing LP on the side, and still picking calls from YPP in the midnight hour. Political polygamy? Please. That’s too formal. This is side-chick democracy.
You’ll find them collecting consultation money from Party A, printing posters with Party B’s slogan, attending night meetings with Party C, and swearing allegiance to Party D in church the next morning. By evening, they’re on TV shouting “We are one Nigeria.”
One Nigeria indeed — with multiple political bedmates, each one more confused than the last.
They’ll tell you:
“I am still a card-carrying member of my party.”
Yes. That card is somewhere in the glove compartment — next to four other membership cards and a bottle of anointing oil, just in case the pastor calls.
Let’s not pretend. This isn’t strategy — it’s serial infidelity. One politician once contested under Party A while sponsoring a cousin under Party B. When asked why, he said:
“We’re just trying to cover all angles.”
Cover ke? You’re running political Tinder, swiping left on principles and right on opportunity.
Meanwhile, their social media bios are neutral — “Public Servant. Nation Builder. Grassroots Advocate.” Nothing that would implicate them ideologically. Because the goal isn’t service — it’s survivability.
Even godfathers have adapted. They now advise their boys:
“Don’t put all your ambition in one party. You never know which one will be in power.”
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So you’ll see one “comrade” clapping at Party A’s convention, giving thanks at Party B’s rally, and holding prayer vigil with Party C — all in one week. That’s not a politician. That’s a political gigolo.
In Nigeria, ideological commitment is for mumu. Smart politicians know how to “keep their options open.” And when they finally defect, they’ll say, with boldness:
“This is not about me. It’s about my people.”
Yes — their people in the procurement department.
This episode exposes the brutal truth: there are no political marriages in Nigeria. Just situationships of convenience. Everyone is cheating, but pretending it’s patriotism.
And the electorate? Many cheer. Some cry. But most just eat rice at the decamping ceremony and wait for the next defection.
So remember — next time your favorite “honorable” claims loyalty to one party, just smile and ask:
“How many others are you seeing on the side?”
Because in Nigerian politics, monogamy is a myth.
And betrayal is bipartisan.
Professor MarkAnthony Ujunwa Nze is a distinguished Nigerian-born investigative journalist, public intellectual, and global governance analyst, whose work spans critical intersections of media, law, and policy. His expertise extends across strategic management, leadership, and international business law, where he brings a nuanced understanding of institutional dynamics, cross-border legal frameworks, and executive decision-making in complex global environments.
Currently based in New York, Professor Nze serves as a full tenured professor at the New York Centre for Advanced Research. There, he spearheads interdisciplinary research at the forefront of governance innovation, corporate strategy, and geopolitical risk. Widely respected for his intellectual rigor and principled advocacy, he remains a vital voice in shaping ethical leadership and sustainable governance across emerging and established democracies.