For months, Kunle Olaiya (not real name) couldn’t forgive his wife. Their marriage has yet to clock two years. One evening in late 2018 after a disagreement, Olaiya’s wife picked a machete from the kitchen store, headed to the garage and smashed his car’s windscreen.
According to Olaiya, who lives in the Lekki area of Lagos, his offense was that he was having extramarital affairs with one of his female colleagues at work. His wife had accessed his phone and seen a series of photographs he took with the female colleague. She confronted him with the accusation of infidelity, which he snubbed. Olaiya, who manages an Information Technology firm, didn’t expect his wife’s next action. It was “unimaginable”, he said.
He told our correspondent, “It took a long time for me to forgive her, after many pleas by family and friends and church members. I was on the verge of divorcing her.
“I never thought that taking pictures with a female colleague could lead to the destruction of my property. I didn’t expect the reaction from my wife. I never knew she could be so angry. The incident has since changed my perception of her.”
Even though Olaiya said he had forgiven his wife, he said he had remained cautious ever since of who he takes pictures with, in addition to locking his phone with a passcode.
“One of the conditions to forgive her then was to fix my car, which she did. I thought she ought to learn her lesson,” he said.
Anger in marriage
Anger is one of the most powerful negative emotions. It can destroy relationships, whether between employers and employees; parents and children; and husbands and wives.
Sometimes, it is not discovered on time by intending couples and when it is discovered, it can be too late. It can be detrimental to the health of the relationship.
When a partner always displays excessive anger, it can drain the energy of the other spouse, leaving them frustrated. However, when a partner is able to deal skillfully with an angry partner, the relationship may transform dramatically and the couple may then become each other’s best friend.
According to marriage counselors and psychologists, there are effective ways to cope with a spouse prone to excessive anger.